Always Sacrificing
by uchiha.s
Summary: Oneshot, SasuSaku. Sasuke thinks about his relationship with Sakura, and comes to a terrifying conclusion. Very angsty and very unlike me; read at your own risk.


Always Sacrificing

By Sakura Uchiha

Rating: PG13

Genre: Angst/Drama

Sasuke glanced at the sky.

"Great… another rainy day."

He hated rainy days. Rainy days meant he had to train inside, which was difficult as most of the techniques he liked to work on involved a lot of fire and such.

He trudged back to his apartment as the rain poured down on him quite suddenly. He didn't really care. It wasn't like he had anything to do on a free day, anyway. Except train, which he couldn't do, really. So he walked very slowly back home, watching the buildings disappear in the torrential rain. Everything was very gray, and only the dim contour of each building could be seen.

He swore and kicked at a stone, where it flew out of sight.

"Sasuke…" He froze. "Sasuke! There you are!" He whirled around, and there was Sakura, that annoying girl, rushing towards him. One moment he was watching her run towards him, the next he felt her arms wrapped tightly around him. She too was drenched.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for you!" She still hadn't let go.

"…Why?"

"Because I wanted to see you, silly!"

She was too innocent.

"Ugh… let's just get out of this rain." He said, turning around and walking in the direction of his apartment again. She still clung to him, her feet brushing the wet road. They were silent.

It was always like this, every night. Sakura would find him, and then they'd go back to his apartment. Well, really, _their _apartment soon. Sasuke didn't like the sound of it; he wanted it to be their _house. _Not apartment. It sounded pathetic, that he didn't even have enough money for a goddamn house for them. They were engaged. Sasuke had given up his idea of vengeance for Sakura, who had convinced him that she needed him to be alive and with her more than he needed Itachi dead. He, Sasuke, had given up his life for her. But she didn't see it that way; no one did. Not even he himself. He didn't like to think about it. She along with everyone else in the village looked at it as though he had _shared _his life with her. Not given it up for her. But the latter was the truth. Because without vengeance, Sasuke didn't even have a life.

He'd give up many other things for her later, he knew. Like sleeping in a little every morning. Or sleeping diagonally on the bed. Or having some free time. He'd have to get a second job; that was for sure. He knew that Sakura's lifestyle was much more expensive than ten of his lifestyles put together. New expensive clothes, new expensive food, new expensive everything, all the time. Not to mention a house.

He'd have to give up his own goddamn body for her, even. He hated himself sometimes.

Scratch that, he hated himself all the time.

The daily grind. Wake up, train, work, eat, sleep. There's more to it than that, but Sasuke didn't like to thing about that either. He didn't like to think that he rarely slept, for Sakura was always there. He didn't like to think that he didn't wake up, for he hadn't even fallen asleep. He didn't like to think that he was doing this just because he didn't know how to do anything else. Always sacrificing, that's the idea. Even if it means your own life goal, even if it means your own body. Always, for Sakura. He didn't like to think that he loved her, either. It was a stupid idea, really. She wasn't very pretty, nor was she very strong. She was smart enough, and wasn't even that nice. But he still loved her. But he didn't know what to do about it, except sacrifice, always. But never let her know.

Once again he was lying on his bed, three am. She could have passed for someone somewhat beautiful then, the moonlight lighting up her dull hair and skin, the shadows covering part of her wide forehead as she slumbered. He knew she thought he wanted this, but he really didn't. It was too soon, he always thought. I feel like I should only be giving her the first kiss right now, he always thought. He never said anything.

"Sasuke… say it again."

"What? I thought you were asleep."

"You haven't said it in a long time…"

"Said what?"

"That you love me."

She was right, he hadn't. But she really hadn't given him much reason to, lately. Why should he bother? He pushed her off him, and rolled over onto his side, away from her, facing the window.

"Sasuke? What's wrong?" She shifted her position, and he felt her hand on his arm. She shrugged it away.

"Nothing, just tired." He lied. He knew she was crying.

"You aren't tired, you never are!" She was so, so wrong.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because… every night…"

It's always dark every night. The sun goes down, and Sasuke would rather not pay more for electricity that he absolutely had to. He just didn't have the money. She never saw the dark circles beneath his eyes, she never saw him yawning, she never saw him drift off…

"Let's sleep tonight, okay?" The idea of actually having to ask sickened him. He didn't like to think that he was hurting her by saying that. He wished he could avoid nighttime on the whole. But mornings were the worst, when he would see the light filter in, and remember why Sakura was next to him.

Always, always sacrificing something important to him. But the bottom line was, he could spit in her face and prance off with goddamn Naruto and she'd still love him.

He woke up, and saw Sakura sleeping. She obviously needed the sleep too. He leaned in, brushing the hair from her face. She smiled in her sleep, and snuggled closer. It sickened him. He didn't want this.


End file.
